It's a Funny Kind of Twist
by Otorisosa-kan
Summary: When Sephiroth selects his next candidate to become his wife, he never expected things to have changed with the way women behaved. Or maybe it was only because this next potential mate was different? I mean, who pretends to know kung fu whilst they're being attacked, laughs randomly and thinks that wishing fountains actually work?
1. Chapter 1

"No!" the girl before him trembled as she stepped back "Please, stay back!"

Sephiroth smirked darkly as his shadow engulfed her form. He licked his lips hungrily, his fangs extending in anticipation. Her pulse was racing and he was just aching to sink his fangs into that pretty little neck of hers. Drain her of her blood, turn her into a creature of the night like himself and see how she progressed in her trial to be his mate. This was the thirtieth woman perhaps? Sephiroth lost count. He'd preyed on countless women during the past century after deciding he wished for an heir. Each one of them had failed his trials and been cast aside.

"Stay back!" the girl shouted again as he took another step forward, revelling in her fear "I…I know kung fu!"

Sephiroth raised a sceptic eyebrow as the girl brought her hands up, poised in a flat stance to use chopping moves. Her red eyes wavered and she clenched her hands into fists.

"Alright, I don't know kung fu," she admitted "But I'm a martial artist!"

Sephiroth gave her a blank look. She shifted uncomfortably.

"Alright, I'm not a martial artist," she admitted in a quieter voice "But I know enough to incapacitate you!"

This is getting tiring. This woman had spark, he liked that. But as Sephiroth lunged forward, his breath hitched in agony as pain blinded him. The girl then leapfrogged over him, leaving him lying on the alleyway, curled up after getting a strong kick in the groin.

"Ha! Don't say I didn't warn you!"

She fled and Sephiroth cursed in frustration. She should have been paralysed with fear! Usually the women were too afraid and just screamed for help. Has society really changed that dramatically during these past decades? Sephiroth propped himself up on his elbow and watched her flee. Despite the pain, a sly smirk spread across his features.

"Interesting," he hissed as desire flashed in his green eyes briefly.

Red eyes like a vampire, long black hair to accompany with them nicely, not afraid to fight her own battles, he liked that combination already. However, she was a tad childish but he could oversee that. He saw a lone woman crossing the street and his eyes glowed red briefly. Under his trance, the helpless woman was attracted to him like a moth to a flame.

"Oh, are you alright, sir?" she asked.

And like a snake, Sephiroth struck and drank from her neck, bringing her body down and holding her still until he was sated.


	2. Chapter 2

Anne ran through the streets, accidentally shoving people over but not turning back to apologize. That person had not been human, she knew that. He probably was chasing her now as she made a mad dash to get back home, to get to safety. She didn't pay attention as cars swerved to avoid hitting her when she ran across the road to her destination. She yanked her key out, fiddled with the lock and managed to tumble into the house. She slammed the door closed and slid down to a sitting position on the doormat.

"I made it," she breathed and placed a hand on her heart "I'm home, I'm safe…"

She continued to breathe heavily, staring at the staircase that was opposite the front door.

"Anne, is that you?" her father called.

"Yes it's m-"

Anne was suddenly struck by a fit of uncontrollable laughter and placed her hands on her belly as it began aching with her stitch. There was a bored sigh from upstairs.

"Yes, that's her," Tifa said as Anne struggled to breathe and stop.

Anne continued laughing as she lay down on the doormat whilst her mother came in with her broom, hands on her hips as she frowned disapprovingly at her daughter.

"Where have you been, young lady?" she asked "You should have been back from work fifteen minutes ago!"

"I…" Anne gasped in between her laughs "I was…"

She completely lost her voice as she was completely overtaken by her laughter. The youngest of the family, Dante, poked his head around the corner from the living room, watching her curiously.

"What's so funny now?" he asked as Mrs Lockhart began tapping her foot impatiently.

"I can't…I can't…" Anne breathed as she continued laughing.

"Yes you can, young lady!" Mrs Lockhart began whacking her with her broom.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Anne yelped in between her laughs.

"Mother, don't do that!" Dante protested as he ran up to her and grabbed the broom to hold her back.

"I warned her that I'd start whacking the laughter out of her, I always keep my promises!" Mrs Lockhart declared as she and her son began tugging for control over the broom.

"Please, Mother, it's really unnecessary!" Dante whined as Tifa and Mr Lockhart came to the scene.

"Well if that won't stop Anne from laughing, what will?" Tifa asked with an irritable tone "All that sardonic laughter to get attention, it's driving me insane!"

"I'm not doing it on purpose!" Anne cried out when her fit finally stopped "I'm telling you, something is wrong with me!"

"And I'm telling you, there isn't, you just have Middle Child Syndrome!" Mrs Lockhart barked as she snatched the broom off Dante "Now where were you?"

"On my way home and I got chased by a…a mugger," Anne decided to not tell her hysterical mother that she thought she had come across a vampire "I'm fine now, I managed to outrun him and I'm safe now, OK?"

"This is why I insist that you go and pick her up when it's dark!" Mrs Lockhart said as she pointed the broom at her husband.

"But I need Father for my Maths homework!" Dante protested.

"Don't look at me, I have much more homework than Anne and Dante combined," Tifa held her hands up when Mrs Lockhart's gaze travelled towards her.

"It's fine, Mom, I can look after myself," Anne said as she got up and dusted herself down "See? Not a mark on me."

Mrs Lockhart seethed before marching back to the kitchen to finish off dinner. Anne sighed and dropped her hands from adjusting her hair as the rest of her family dispersed off to get on with their own business. She peeked through the window to check if there was anyone outside. She grimaced when she remembered that she would have to go back out there later this evening. With a resigned sigh, she went upstairs where her dog, Timber, was waiting on her bed. The massive shaggy dog lifted his head and his massive fluffy tail began wagging happily. Anne smiled and let him run and pounce on her.

"Hello, big boy," she said and ruffled his ears "Did you miss me?"

Timber barked happily and licked her face. Anne giggled and let Timber lie on top of her, lying on the floor with a hand buried deep into his black fur. It was because of this big baby that Anne was convinced that the wishing fountain in the main square was real. She was thirteen and naïve when Tifa told her to flip a coin into the fountain and make a wish. On the first day, Anne had wished for a companion and flipped the coin into the fountain. She had only turned the corner when a massive dog pounced on her. He was being chased by the dog pound and Anne quickly claimed him as her own because he was just too cute. Of course her mother wasn't too thrilled when she brought back the flea and tick infested stray but with Dante on her side and a few batted eyelashes to Mr Lockhart, they were allowed to keep him.

"Anne, stop lounging in the hallway like that," Tifa scolded as she came across them "And don't let him lie on you like that, you'll get dog hair all over your work uniform."

Timber let out a soft growl when Tifa moved to try and yank him off her younger sister. Tifa backed up and frowned.

"Anne, control your dog," she demanded.

"He'll be friendlier to you if you fed and took him out for walks every now and then," Anne commented with a raised eyebrow.

"You know I don't have time for any of that," Tifa folded her arms.

"Yes, I know," Anne grumbled as she heaved Timber off her chest and sat up.

Timber placed his head on Anne's lap firmly and lolled his tongue out as she began tickling his ears affectionately. Tifa walked past her with a shake of her head as Anne continued cuddling Timber. Time flowed by quickly whenever Anne was cuddling her beloved Timber. She only noticed her mother calling everyone for dinner as Tifa strode past her again and Timber pricked his ears up.

"Come on, you big lump, let's get you some food."

Timber barked as Anne got up and ran downstairs to fill his food bowl. His strong tail wagged in delight as Anne washed her hands before attending the dinner table with her family.

"Anne, you're not taking Timber out for a walk tonight," Mrs Lockhart said immediately as Anne tucked into the roast chicken.

"Yes, I am," Anne said.

"No, you're not, it's too dangerous. Your father will walk him."

"No, I can walk him."

"No, not tonight."

"Timber's well trained, he can protect me."

"I highly doubt…"

"Timber, pounce."

Timber jumped and his front paws landed on the wall. Mrs Lockhart raised an eyebrow.

"He can do that to a person, it should be fine," Anne waved her hand dismissively "Timber, snarl."

She jumped when Timber came next to her and held his paw out for her to shake.

"No, that's shake, I told you to snarl," she said.

Timber waited patiently for his paw to be shaken and she looked at Mrs Lockhart.

"OK, snarling is a work in progress," she said.

"That dog cannot be trained!" Mrs Lockhart snapped "You can't expect him to protect you."

"Sure he can be trained!" Dante said "Timber, sit!"

Timber sat.

"Timber, lie down."

Timber lay down.

"Timber, roll over."

Timber rolled over.

"Timber, up."

Timber stood.

"Timber, spin."

Timber howled and Anne jumped.

"He told you to spin, not to howl," she said.

Timber lolled his tongue out expectantly and wagged his tail. Anne paused.

"Timber, howl."

Timber spun around, chasing his tail.

"Timber, shake."

Timber snarled. Anne turned to Mrs Lockhart.

"OK, he may have got a few words mixed up, but he's trained! Yes, he may know a few basic skills but it's not like we're going to enter him in some dog competition."

This argument went on during dinner with Dante and Anne shouting commands at Timber and Mrs Lockhart insisting that he wasn't fit enough to protect her youngest daughter. Anne resolved the argument by finishing off dinner and standing up.

"I'm going out for a walk and you can't stop me!" she declared and grabbed Timber's leash and collar.

"Annabelle Susanna Lockhart, get back here at once!" Mrs Lockhart shouted as Anne put Timber's collar and leash on him on the way to the door.

Anne and Timber ran out of the house and down the street, Timber leading the way eagerly as Anne patted her pockets to check that she had collected a bag and a coin on the way out. They went their usual route towards the lit up fountain amongst the crowd of shoppers and young couples. Anne threw the now full bag into a bin before stopping by the ice-cream stand and faced away from the fountain. She gripped her Gil coin in her hand and closed her eyes. She made her wish and tossed the coin behind her and into the fountain. It made a soft plop and Timber barked.

"What did you wish for this time?"

Anne looked to the side and smiled when she saw her classmate, Luka, doing his part-time job serving ice-cream.

"Not going to tell you otherwise it won't come true," she said as she walked up to him.

"Hello there, Timber," Luka grinned.

Timber barked happily, his tail wagging and hitting Anne's thigh harshly as he looked up at Luka. Luka mimicked his bark and that made Timber bark more eagerly, putting his paws up into a begging position.

"Can you actually understand him?" Anne asked.

"Of course, he wants a treat," Luka shrugged and held up a dog biscuit.

Timber whined expectantly and jumped, snapping up the treat eagerly when Luka tossed it over to him. Anne giggled and Luka leaned in towards Anne. He hesitated slightly and Anne saw his nose twitch. It was brief but Anne still noticed the soft growl that rumbled in his throat.

"He also said you were a bit late to come home today," he said "Did something happen?"

"No, nothing," Anne shook her head.

"You sure?"

"Luka, stop," Anne folded her arms "If you keep on talking like that, people nearby will start to think that you're my boyfriend. And you're not, you have a perfectly nice girlfriend who is currently waiting on tables in that fancy restaurant opposite your ice-cream stand."

Luka laughed and Anne smiled softly. He then glanced around and handed her a wrapped ice-cream.

"Just between you and me, OK?" he winked and Anne raised an eyebrow.

"Do you normally give little girls like me ice-cream treats?" she asked.

"You're only sixteen, it's not creepy," Luka shrugged "And besides, it draws in more customers, females especially."

Anne shook her head with a sigh and shrugged.

"Thank you, Luka, you're very kind," she smiled "Oh and FYI, I didn't wish for an ice cream."

"Darn it," Luka muttered and Anne ran off with Timber, a sneaky smirk on her face.

Anne hummed the rest of the way home as she ate the strawberry ice-cream. Timber kept on whining for some but she ignored him, telling him that he had already been given a treat from Luka. When she got home, she went upstairs to wash, brush her teeth and get into bed. Timber lay sprawled out on top of her and she cuddled him with a sigh.

"I love you, you big dolt," she whispered and Timber wagged his tail before they both went to sleep.

Meanwhile on the other side of the city, her wish came true.


	3. Chapter 3

Genesis glanced at the clock when the doors of the mansion slammed open.

"You're early, Sephiroth," he commented "Weren't you able to find a suitable woman this time?"

"Found one but she escaped," Sephiroth grumbled as he shed his coat and hung it up.

Genesis did a dramatic gasp.

"A mere female human escaped the great Lord Sephiroth!" he said "Angeal! Angeal, it happened! It finally happened! Sephiroth lost his dinner!"

"I heard, Genesis," Angeal sighed as he drank his coffee "No need to go announcing it to the world."

"How did it happen? How could she have possibly outrun a vampire like yourself?" Genesis eagerly asked as he chased Sephiroth to the sitting room "Was it actually a transvestite? Did he try to mug you?"

"Genesis, shut up," Sephiroth sighed irritably as he flopped onto the sofa "No, she was definitely a young woman. I never make that kind of mistake unlike Angeal."

"Genesis has very feminine characteristics, I thought we agreed to never speak of that again!" Angeal shouted from the kitchen.

"Tell me!" Genesis whined "I have to know!"

Sephiroth rolled his eyes as he wrung his hair to get rid of the rain that had soaked through.

"She…may have lowered my guard and temporarily incapacitated me then ran off," he muttered softly.

"How? Was she one of those weird people who carry garlic around?" Genesis wrinkled his nose "I mean, the flowers themselves are enough and more effective but most of them carry the bulb which just stinks."

"No…" Sephiroth replied.

"Did she think you were a werewolf and use silver to warn you away?"

"No, if anyone ever mistook me as one of those _foul _creatures, they wouldn't be alive anymore."

Genesis agreed with a snarl.

"So…did she use pepper spray?" Genesis snickered at the thought of Sephiroth being blinded by a smaller girl with a can of pepper spray.

"No, thank God," Sephiroth grumbled.

"Oh…oh!" Genesis's eyes gleamed "She hit you where it hurts, didn't she?"

With a small nod, Genesis collapsed into fits of laughter.

"You wouldn't be laughing if it had been you," Sephiroth snarled.

"You're the great Sephiroth!" Genesis said in between his laughs "You're losing your touch. Better retire soon."

"No, it's because women have changed so much," Sephiroth snarled "Look at it, women are allowed to be educated now and they are let off easily if they happen to have an illegitimate child compared to the good old days."

"What can we say, they were certainly stubborn with their campaigns," Genesis shrugged "Give up on finding a wife, Sephiroth. No good will ever come to this household if you bring one."

"I want an heir," Sephiroth snarled "The sooner I find one, the less stress I'll feel."

"You've been taking and putting women on trial for three centuries now!" Genesis whined.

"I have?" Sephiroth looked surprised.

"Yes and every time they either try to kill you, cheat on you or just get so annoying that you can't stand them!"

Sephiroth groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I know, my taste in women is horrible," he grumbled "But this one, she's got spark. I want to take her."

Genesis rolled his eyes and lounged on the armchair he was sitting in.

"Oh, Britney came round when you were out," Angeal said as he came into the sitting room with a plate of biscuits to which Genesis cheered happily at the sight of.

"You didn't let her in, did you?" Sephiroth straightened up with a mortified look.

"No, I just lent her some money to help her along after she insistently asked for you," Angeal shook his head as he sat down on another armchair, letting Genesis jump into his lap and cuddle him whilst taking a biscuit.

"She doesn't need money," Sephiroth spat "All she needs to do is sway her hips a bit and men will gladly pay her."

"Well I didn't want to just let her wander around the city without enough money to at least get a room at a hotel," Angeal shrugged.

"Angeal, if you had have been me when I found her servicing school boys, you would have been just as disgusted and thrown her out."

"Yes, I agree," Angeal frowned "But I'd give her some money at least to help her."

"How long to you reckon she'd been doing that kind of stuff?" Genesis asked as he nibbled on his biscuit "I mean, when you took her she was pretty tame."

"Yes but I suppose she was still distraught over her divorce," Sephiroth scowled "I didn't think she'd actually take advantage of her allure and…ugh, it just makes me sick to think about it."

"At least she wasn't like that other girl that ran off with that _werewolf_," Genesis snarled "What was her name?"

"Stephanie," Angeal muttered and groaned "Sephiroth, why did you choose her?"

"She walked right into my arms, she was an easy target and charmed immediately by my allure," Sephiroth replied with a shrug.

"Oh yeah, your allure didn't work with this other girl?" Genesis tilted his head to the side.

"Apparently not," Sephiroth sighed "In fact, I scared her more than anything."

"Interesting…" Genesis hummed "What's she like?"

Sephiroth shrugged.

"Isn't afraid to fight back apparently…" he raised a thoughtful eyebrow and Genesis snickered "Black hair, red eyes, her personality is a bit strange…"

"How so?" Genesis started nibbling his second biscuit.

"She pretended to know kung fu when she clearly didn't…"

"But she still got away from you."

Sephiroth shrugged and scowled.

"Tomorrow night," he vowed "I'll get her tomorrow night."

"Bet you won't," Genesis stuck his tongue out "Bet you a hundred Gil that you won't get her."

"Make that two hundred, Genesis, and we have a deal."

"Done!"

Angeal rolled his eyes and stroked his lover's hip.

"You love pointing out Sephiroth's moments of weakness more than me," he complained.

"That's not true!" Genesis snuggled him "I love you and pointing his mistakes out equally!"

"I still have to compete," Angeal scowled.

"Naw, Angeal, don't be so jealous," Genesis purred and kissed him.

"Get a room," Sephiroth muttered.

"Get laid," Genesis sneered back with a smirk.


End file.
